From the department of Legs for Days...

Via Amy Schumer's Facebook page -- damn, girl, GET IT.

Her legs look longer than my body.

California girls, we're undeniable

Last night I dropped off my CA friends at the airport after their Thanksgiving visit, and they extended an open invitation to come stay with them, or even live with them for a bit, whenever I want.

I suddenly have a million urges to get the hell out of here, if only for a week.

I already have an East Coast vacation booked in January, but my spring/summer wanderlust is looking westward.

Maybe Easter. I feel like going to town on a big fuck-off chocolate bunny while lying by a pool. (All the more reason to keep working out throughout winter, so I don't scare small children with all this gelatinous White in a swimsuit.)

And they could probably get me a job if I eventually wanted to relocate permanently. I have exactly four skills, but they travel well.

Then again, maybe I won't.

I'm doing that thing where you write a text but then delete it without sending it because you're too cool. But then I write it again. And delete it again. Because I'm cool. 

I'm not cool, you guys. I'm a goddamn spaz. 

(Have we taken "spaz" off the politically correct table yet? I feel like we should, but Paulette called herself "spastic" in "Legally Blonde," and we all know "Legally Blonde" is basically the law. So I'm allowing it.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

A few things I'm thankful for this year, in no particular order:

1. All y'alls. (Or, in the words of my native people, "all-uh-yas.")
2. Kids who aren't mine.
3. Shonda Rhimes and Jenny Lawson.
4. Miranda Lambert and Anna Nalick.
5. "Silver Linings Playbook."
6. Therapy and progress therein.
7. Prescription drugs.
8. My friends -- "Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD, the East Coast fam-i-ly." (Yep. Said it. Deal with it.)
9. Four straight days with no alarm clock.
10. Gravy.

There are more, but those are my favorites. Enjoy your day, guys. Gravy be with you. (And also alcohol, because let's be honest...)

Victoria's Secret is that she's always cold.

As if we needed more proof of what a classy lady I am, I pulled my bra strap away from my back because it was itching, and ended up putting my finger through the fabric.

I mean, it's like you can't rely on a 5-year-old bra anymore. What CAN I believe in, Universe?

Right, then. Shopping. 

Also, this is totally how I roll when I wear flannel pajamas. Victoria's Secret gets me.

In which Facebook suggests I die alone.

"Suggested Post" is apparently code for "Making sure you stay single."

"I forgot how good you taste..."

I never get tired of this song. 

"I'm not gonna tell you what it's about. You have to listen to the lyrics. And don't judge me." 💕