Showing posts with label shower. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shower. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The Smug Singleton Projection

See, look at me, understanding a bad workweek is influencing my inclination to say, "Fuck this, I'm going home, and why is this New OkCupid Guy getting all bitchface at me? [He's not, at all, my brain is just breaking.] I'm never dating again. No one's dick is worth me having to get Date Pretty, what with the showering and the shaving things and the being charming -- I have no charm, I hate everyone. I am officially OK dying sexless, peach fuzzy, and alone with my blankets and books."

I KNOW WHEN I'M PROJECTING, SHITDICK ELBOW HECKLER.

Ahem. I feel better now.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I bet Kate Middleton does the same thing.

I have reached peak white trash. No, literally -- I overslept, so my "shower" consisted of five baby wipes, dry shampoo, and a metric shit-ton of powder.

(Oh, please. Like I have a threshold for "oversharing.")

#ClassyAsFuck