I emailed him back, because I am an idiot. He'd clarified some things, so I wanted to do the same.
Aaand it turned out exactly as I thought it would.
One day I will learn to listen to my friends and just be an asshole when the situation calls for it, which is what I think he wanted -- for me to keep quiet and stay away.
But there it is. "The cold never bothered me, anyway."
P.S. Fun fact: Gmail's "block" feature is apparently about as useless as Facebook's. Technology can kiss my dick.
P.P.S. Sorry, I'll take the weekend off and stop buzzkilling your news feeds.
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