Y'all didn't need to hear this.

I know it's a common name, but it still amuses my brain sometimes when I talk to my coworker Rob and vividly remember a very different Rob who really (REALLY) liked hearing his name in combination with "Fuck me harder."

I really wish I'd said that because I'm super smooth in bed and intrinsically attuned to my partner's needs. But really, the first time I said it I was just bored. Thankfully most orders a woman gasps while hovering around orgasm sound fairly sexy -- I could've said "Let's get pancakes later, Rob" in that voice and it probably would've helped him along. But I'm glad he was happy, and it got me to my destination as well. 

A woman's right to shoes/"It's blamin' men, hallelujah!"

One more on last night's yoga class:

It was all women in the class, and at one point the instructor had us rotate our ankles, because "a lot of your acupressure points for hormonal issues are in your ankles. Makes sense, doesn't it? No wonder we have those issues, men make us wear those high heels!"

Ahem.

1. You don't even wear high heels, Hippie, I can tell. You wear Birkenstocks if you wear shoes at all. You just walk around on a groovy hemp-based cloud.

2. No man has ever MADE me wear anything. I wear heels because I'm 2 feet tall and chubby, so if and when I CHOOSE put on heels, I'm taller, and my legs and ass look AMAZING, and they add bonus sway to my Olivia Pope strut. Do I wear heels to attract men by tricking them into thinking I'm sexy? Absolutely. But they don't MAKE me. (And yeah, I know I've been raised by male-controlled media to think all this is true, but...I mean, it's true. Heels make me feel sexy and bad-ass. Blow me, Birkenstock.)

3. Ever leave heels on for a guy? That right there is how you get pancakes after.

#HellOnHeels

A woman's right to shoes/"It's blamin' men, hallelujah!"

One more on last night's yoga class:

It was all women in the class, and at one point she had us rotate our ankles, because "a lot of your acupressure points for hormonal issues are in your ankles. Makes sense, doesn't it? No wonder we have those issues, men make us wear those high heels!"

Ahem.

1. You don't even wear high heels, Hippie, I can tell. You wear Birkenstocks if you wear shoes at all. You just walk around on a groovy hemp-based cloud.

2. No man has ever MADE me wear anything. I wear heels because I'm 2 feet tall and chubby, so if and when I CHOOSE put on heels, I'm taller, and my legs and ass look AMAZING, and they add bonus sway to my Olivia Pope strut. Do I wear heels to attract men by tricking them into thinking I'm sexy? Absolutely. But they don't MAKE me. (And yeah, I know I've been raised by male-controlled media to think all this is true, but...I mean, it's true. Heels make me feel sexy and bad-ass. Blow me, Birkenstock.)

3. Ever leave heels on for a guy? That right there is how you get pancakes after.

#HellOnHeels