Relieving emotional tension < relieving sexual tension.

Between hormones and holiday stress, I just ended up Ugly Crying over something incredibly stupid, and now my brain is convinced I am unlovable and will die alone. So that's always fun. I think these particular feelings will need to be handled via pizza.

I almost never cry, so storing it all up for the twice-yearly Ugly Cry is sort of like when I finally get laid -- I never realize how long it's been since I've done it, so I just explode from the catharsis of it all. It generally works out much better during sex, but the result is the same: I end up collapsed in an exhausted, lifeless heap. And I feel a lot better. And I demand snacks.

Self-care

How to Care for Your Smug, page 17, section 6:

"In the event of a bad workday, allow your Smug to Ugly Cry alone, because she is emotionally stunted and can't cry in front of people.

"When she calms down, apply one steak burrito with extra dairy products, and an order of Wendy's fries with barbecue sauce. Repeat as needed. 

"If possible, sit your Smug down in front of any Shonda Rhimes show (new or old) with any vodka-based beverage(s). This is her cognitive behavioral therapy. (See also: "Dance it out.")

"Put Tipsy Smug to bed immediately with a George Carlin audiobook playing."

I blow at my job which is thankfully not giving blowjobs.

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