Tart Me Up

Oh, look -- there are my feelings.

Thanks, office vending machine!

‪#‎ThisIsWhyYoureFat‬ ‪#‎AndWhyYouHaveADDProbably‬

Buzzed Buzzkilling/The Margarita Mystification

Ah, the annual conundrum of the office Cinco de Mayo party: not loving the racism, but REALLY loving the nachos. #ConscientiousGuacamole

Perfectly rational excitement tally: Waffles, 55%; Man, 45%

Perhaps my new favorite sentence ever: "I have an ice cream & waffle date tonight."

Hee.

Relieving emotional tension < relieving sexual tension.

Between hormones and holiday stress, I just ended up Ugly Crying over something incredibly stupid, and now my brain is convinced I am unlovable and will die alone. So that's always fun. I think these particular feelings will need to be handled via pizza.

I almost never cry, so storing it all up for the twice-yearly Ugly Cry is sort of like when I finally get laid -- I never realize how long it's been since I've done it, so I just explode from the catharsis of it all. It generally works out much better during sex, but the result is the same: I end up collapsed in an exhausted, lifeless heap. And I feel a lot better. And I demand snacks.