Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Ladies and gentlemen, my soulmate...

First OkCupid message from a man without a profile pic: "hi i am greg lets have dinner"

OMG! Greg! Absolutely, let me accept this invitation from a faceless man! Despite the fact that if you read my profile even a little, you'd see me say I'm sure as fuck not meeting a stranger without messaging and texting until I feel comfortable doing so. Especially one without a face.

Good work, Greg. In fact, forget about dinner -- let's move in together and have 14 babies right now. Do you want, like, a scripty font on the wedding invitations? I always think those are hard to read, so I think we should probably go with something a little more simple, right? I know Times Roman is basic, but I'm SUCH a sucker for it.

And, listen, my flowers are going to be dark purple with pops of white, so make sure the accents on your tux coordinate, OK, sweetie? Luuuv youuu.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Johnnie Walker "Something Blue"

Wow. Way to target your email to my EXACT needs. 

Fancy spa services for two?! Query, though: What kind of spa treatments can you give my life partner, Johnnie Walker? I mean, I'll bring him, I just have questions.

And my "idyllic wedding venue?" So...there's a courthouse inside your hotel? And Stephen Colbert is my officiant? And then there's a dance floor my besties and I can tear up? And then pancakes after? Nice! Let's do this!