Family, Food, Facebook, Fat, Fuck.

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"I'm gonna dress you up in my [self] love..."

And speaking of party dresses...

Whenever you put on a piece of clothing, look in the mirror, and think, "Is that MY body? GodDAMN, I want to have sex with myself!", you need that garment in your life.

Perfect mindset for tonight's family party, no? (Hush, there'll be other people there.)

I've been digitally Naked Manned

First message from a man on OkCupid whose only profile photo is a bathroom mirror selfie... of his butt-naked body with his penis obscured by a Photoshopped flesh-colored oval: "You have really nice photos! Very pretty and cute, and sexy! I just wanted to tell you that and yes I meant what I said. I hope you dont get mad but your photos turn me on so much."

I'm confused. Why would I think you didn't mean it? Of course you meant it -- you're trying to put parts of you into parts of me. It would hurt your cause to be like, "You're hideous and make my dick soft."

Besides, I KNOW my photos are cute -- that's why they're my photos.

Your naked body isn't bad to look at, sir. Thanks for that. Let us retreat to our respective spank banks and call it a day.

I need. To see. Your FACE.

Honestly, I MIGHT have sex with you! But you need to have a face! I can't know if I'll want to kiss your dick if I can't tell if I'd kiss your face.

Get a face.

P.S. I'm a little embarrassed at how long it took me to realize his message could easily be copy/pasted and sent to a million other women. I'll give him credit for that. And for his body, because JAY-sus -- dude has a better curve on his ass than I do on mine.

Walking around naked. Like ya do.

The other day, my amazing friend* ran a body confidence class at the sex shoppe (yep, shoppe). For "homework," she assigned us to go home and spend an hour naked, checking out our bodies, noting the good, disregarding the bad, and just getting comfortable seeing them.

So I just emailed her and said, "Just letting you know I'm walking around naked. Carry on."

Not gonna lie, I'm NOTICING the bad. ("Really? Those are my boobs? Huh...") But overall, I'm kind of adorable.

Also, the heat in my house is up to like 80 degrees because brrrrr.

Also, I may have strange friendships. But they're the best.

* FYI, the friend is the lovely and talented Yvette St. James, and you should follow her on Twitter and attend all her classes because they're super fun and informative.