Family Time, Day 2.
Wine rations are low. I am texting friends:
Me: "I'm in a car listening my mom and grandfather talk, and 'Disco Duck' is on the radio for some reason. So... I'm just gonna jump out of the car and hope for the best."
Friend 1: "BWHAHAHA."
Friend 2: "Holy shit, that is amazing. Godspeed."
Me: "The conversation literally just went from houses in the city Grandpa worked on back in the day, to this area being 'right near where Butch's* friend was murdered,' to 'I have to go to that Indian doctor later this week.'"
Friend 2: "I look forward to your alone time. That is a lot to process."
*When you're white trash (as I am), there's always a Butch. Fact. I know two. If you're really lucky, you'll get a "Butchy." But you have to BELIEVE.
I know you guys aren't on my side with the country music, but I think we can all agree Pistol Annies have been reading my journal as we approach my family's Christmas dinner. This is my new favorite song to sing in the car. (Shut up, I am SUPER hot when I have twang.)
"Well, Daddy's reading propaganda
And he's talkin' 'bout the end of days
Well, cheers to the vodka Mama's been sneakin',
Let's all gather 'round and pray.
"So I snuck out behind the red barn
And I took myself a toke
Since everybody here hates everybody here
Hell, I might as well be their joke.
"I'm gonna dance up on the table
Singing 'This Little Light of Mine'
God gave it to me, what good's it gonna do me
If I don't, by God, let it shine?
"Hide your tattoo,
Put on your Sunday best,
Pretend you're not a mess,
Be the happy family in the front pew..."
"Hush hush, don't you dare say a word
Hush hush, don't you know the truth hurts
Hush hush, when push comes to shove,
It's best to keep it hush hush."
I just got called "cold" and had Sad Singleton noises made at me when I mentioned to coworkers that I consider Thanksgiving weekend a short vacation, not family time, and that I hoped my family didn't host dinner, because I'm looking forward to relaxing alone.
"Jeez, some people LIKE spending time with their families." Hey, good for them. I am not one of them. Sorry, is my childhood trauma bothersome to you?
For me, Christmas is the family holiday. I will happily (well...) attend. But a pregame four short weeks BEFORE Christmas? Having my parents insist on family "closeness" now that they're older, not realizing they were my age 25 years ago while they were inadvertently teaching me NOT to value family? Sorry it's not my top priority as an adult.
(I know I don't have to attend either holiday, but skipping both is more of an emotional hassle than it's worth. Plus, ham.)
Thanksgiving weekend is for me to sleep, watch movies, and cook something delicious, not to drive 2 hours to make shitty small talk or silently ponder which mood medications my father should be on.
I can be thankful and reflective by myself. It's better than being asked if my ex is seeing anyone, hearing how much my family misses him, and explaining to obscure relatives looking at me quizzically that I "recently" ended a long relationship. Oh, and don't forget what a good mother I would've been, and how maybe I'll change my mind -- that is not at all like being punched in the uterus. (Also, c'mon, my eggs aren't exactly fresh from the farm. They're, like, Walmart eggs at this point.)
Besides, I promised a friend who'll be spending Thanksgiving with HER family that I'd be her on-call getaway car if she needs an extraction (SEAL Team Smug!). So I'm not the only one not singing "Kumbaya" for family time.
BTW, yes, if you know me, "cold" is exactly the right word. I am a complete, dead-inside asshole, and people I love mean nothing to me. You nailed it.
You say "day drinking my feelings" like it's a BAD thing.
#FamilyTime
#TherapyIsDandyButLiquorIsQuicker
#CheeseIsAlsoHelping
