Family, Food, Facebook, Fat, Fuck.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This particular cycle just got a little less vicious.

My mother, re: a woman on TV: 
"She shouldn't even be wearing that dress, because look at it around her chest, it's pulling."

Moments later:
"I would never buy that because it has horizontal stripes."
"Some people like that, Mom."
"Pfft. Skinny people..."

This is where I came from, you guys. I swear it's a fucking miracle I can even leave my house.

Thankfully I have better influences now, though, because even in tight-around-my-chest horizontal stripes, my pudgy ass is adorable.

Judge not, lest ye be an asshole

One of my OkCupid photos was taken in a pin-up-inspired boutique I went to with friends. I tried on a dress that fit better than any glove, accentuated all my best bits, and looked STUPID-good. But I couldn't rationalize spending $130 on it, so I asked my friends take a photo. 

I added the pic to OKC, captioned: "Taken in a fitting room. I didn't buy the dress. Because I am an idiot." 

Today I get a first OKC message from a guy saying, "Yes you should have bought that dress..." That's the whole message. 

I go to his profile, because he's attractive enough, and his FIRST sentence is, "Only thing that seems to matter is how one looks on here." 

Oh, OK, so you're saying you don't like being judged only on appearance? So despite my completely-filled-in profile with many non-appearance-related conversation starters, you went with...commenting only on my appearance?

You do that math, dearie. I'll wait...

And dammit, I SHOULD have bought that dress. I can't even believe that's my body -- I am cute as fuck.

P.S. He sent a followup message 20 minutes later, saying, "That was a compliment. .. you're gorgeous. ... "

Um, I KNOW it was a compliment, or at least I know that's what you were going for. Do you think I'm too pretty to know how words work? Do I owe you a "thank you?" Go fuck yourself with your ellipses, and why the SHIT are you ALSO using periods? That's not how any of this works! 

*pant* *pant* *pant*

...Ahem. What mood swing?

Vodka made me do it.

One more on this, and then, sweet baby Jesus willing, I think I'm done.

Possibly (erm, make that probably) inebriated conversation with a male friend...

Friend: "Does That Guy know you're the one writing these posts when he likes them on Tumblr?"
Me: "Yep. I told him about it before I fucked everything up."
Friend: "Before HE fucked everything up. Don't get it twisted."
Me: "Mutual destruction."
Friend: "That's weird, though."
Me: "What, that he knows? Or that he'll like posts about my body but turned down my many offers to do any naughty little thing he wanted to it?"
Friend: "Both. I mean, he made his choice, right?"
Me: "Eh. It's fine. He doesn't read often. If I don't want him to like the posts, I'll just keep writing about feelings. He never did like my feelings."