"Say 'crack' again."

It's weird, I think I'd remember smoking crack. Especially since I don't even know HOW to smoke crack. 

I guess maybe I Googled it? 

Because it seems at some point I agreed to go see my family for Easter, and now that the time is upon me, crack seems to be the only rational explanation. 

You know the drill, guys: Family = wine = Jesus. May your battle wounds be minor, your chosen numbing agents effective. 

And may you also have candy.

Godspeed.

Star-Kris-Krossed Love

Happy Valentine's Day, my loves. Have a splendid and safe day.

I'll be spending mine orally fixated on a trough of manicotti, and later making sweet, sweet love to an irresponsible number of Godiva salted caramels. (Candy-based promiscuity is the best promiscuity.)

See also: watching Friends with Benefits again, because Justin Timberlake singing Kris Kross is EVERYONE's Valentine.

Love and many kisses,
Smug  

Advantage: Breasts

Because computer dudes are that brand of sexy-hot-smart that makes my software tingle, I'm really not trying to generalize, so...#NotAllNerds.

But it's always amazing to me what I can get accomplished in my IT department with a tight sweater and a smile. They even let me eat their candy. (Not a euphemism.)

Let the record show I'd get naked with at least one of them, so I'm not JUST using my feminine wiles to get tech support. It's just a happy bonus.

Lessons from The Great Pumpkin

Charlie Brown really was "friends" with mostly assholes.

Linus just learned not to fuck with a woman and her candy. 

Sally, meanwhile, got her first bit of tragic foreshadowing re: men disappointing her.

Don't ask, don't tell

My running game is totally sexy until you learn my headphones are blaring Mandy Moore's "Candy."

Ssshhh...