This particular cycle just got a little less vicious.

My mother, re: a woman on TV: 
"She shouldn't even be wearing that dress, because look at it around her chest, it's pulling."

Moments later:
"I would never buy that because it has horizontal stripes."
"Some people like that, Mom."
"Pfft. Skinny people..."

This is where I came from, you guys. I swear it's a fucking miracle I can even leave my house.

Thankfully I have better influences now, though, because even in tight-around-my-chest horizontal stripes, my pudgy ass is adorable.

Mo' mommy, mo' problems.

Bwah ha ha... "Throw some soft cheeses into the mix, unless you’re insecure about your weight because she sure mentioned that, too. You know what, you are going to need that cheese. And all the wine."

My personal recent Mom favorites:

• "That's a great length for a shirt. It covers your butt."
• "This totally-the-opposite-of-your-hair color/style would look great on you!"
• "If you were going to have kids with anyone, I'd want you to have them with [Ex], because he's smart." (<-- That one was 3 weeks ago. We broke up 3 years ago.)

Cheers, y'all!

Via Reductress: 6 Wines that Pair Well With Having Just Gotten Off the Phone with Your Mother