"Fuck you. Fuck you very, very muuuch..."

Earlier I wondered if I'm walking around all Bitchface McIrritable at work today because I have PMS.

And then I saw this, got viciously angry, then weepy-sad, so... that answers that.

My body image has been hovering around decent lately, so I'm pissed this got to me, but Christ, this is what *I* look like, just shorter. People are fucking awful.

But then...Hm, I still think she's hot, so I must be hot, too.

Right, then. Done and done. Good work, Brain.

Via E! Online and Hateful Fuckers Everywhere: Amy Schumer Slams Haters After Beach Body Criticism, Says She Looks ''Strong and Healthy''

Not today, Satan.

Can someone please come exorcise this weepy bitch from my brain? I'm not sure how she got here, but she's kind of an asshole. 

This is America. Medicate me.

I'm on medications to even out my mood, give me an attention span, prevent OkCupid babies, and control my heinous allergies.

There are, what, 4,000 erectile dysfunction drugs now?

I think there's one for a particular form of exhaustion you get from shift work.

They debated putting me on a drug that fixes ADHD and binge eating disorder, which... damn, I still want that drug.

So, really, you can't create a drug that will make me feel LESS like my period might actually kill me? One that keeps me from waking up weeping for no reason? (OK, there was a reason, but not a logical one.) Could you, like, get on that, Science? Or could I just get sent to the edge of the village or whatever?

I know there's stuff they can finagle for PMDD. I'm mostly kidding.

Related: the weather in Philly right now can kiss my dick. I checked the forecast and it just said, "Your mood is fucked until Sunday." That's what I saw, anyway. It's possible it just said it'll be cloudy and rainy.

Judge not, lest ye be an asshole

One of my OkCupid photos was taken in a pin-up-inspired boutique I went to with friends. I tried on a dress that fit better than any glove, accentuated all my best bits, and looked STUPID-good. But I couldn't rationalize spending $130 on it, so I asked my friends take a photo. 

I added the pic to OKC, captioned: "Taken in a fitting room. I didn't buy the dress. Because I am an idiot." 

Today I get a first OKC message from a guy saying, "Yes you should have bought that dress..." That's the whole message. 

I go to his profile, because he's attractive enough, and his FIRST sentence is, "Only thing that seems to matter is how one looks on here." 

Oh, OK, so you're saying you don't like being judged only on appearance? So despite my completely-filled-in profile with many non-appearance-related conversation starters, you went with...commenting only on my appearance?

You do that math, dearie. I'll wait...

And dammit, I SHOULD have bought that dress. I can't even believe that's my body -- I am cute as fuck.

P.S. He sent a followup message 20 minutes later, saying, "That was a compliment. .. you're gorgeous. ... "

Um, I KNOW it was a compliment, or at least I know that's what you were going for. Do you think I'm too pretty to know how words work? Do I owe you a "thank you?" Go fuck yourself with your ellipses, and why the SHIT are you ALSO using periods? That's not how any of this works! 

*pant* *pant* *pant*

...Ahem. What mood swing?

Who put this Jesus in my vagina?

So today I did the annual gyno exam, which is generally annoying as fuck. I really don't appreciate anyone touching my vagina if it doesn't end in orgasm.

Got put on a birth control pill so I can be a fatter, moodier, assholier asshole. ("What's the Lamictal for?" "It's for Crazy, so make sure I get Pill Lite so we don't make that worse.")

Then went downstairs in the same building to an on-site lab -- SUPER convenient, but the lab is more free about being part of a Jesus-y hospital system. So there are crosses on the walls, presumably so I can pray to Jesus to forgive me for fucking, and also pray while the lady jacks four vials of my blood to make sure my vagina doesn't have any biblical plagues.

This better be the best goddamn sex I've ever had. 

The bitch of it? He's starting to annoy me so I don't think that's even going to happen. But these are all good things to have done in general.

Still, fuck everything. I am dizzy, and getting tacos on my way home. Hmph.

Current mood...